dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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