Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
