Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
