just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
