so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
