Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
