just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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