I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
