you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are two peas in an std pod
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
