ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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