I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
