i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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