The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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