I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
