Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
