I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
