I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
