Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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