I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
