The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
