I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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