Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
