I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
