aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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