Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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