also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
