yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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