it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
