We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
