My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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