I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
