he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
