Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
