she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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