I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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