My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
