I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
