i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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