glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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