I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
