hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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