Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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