Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
