What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
