"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
