Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
