Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
