I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
