I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
