i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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