Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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